Sophie and Lea

I miss my dog. If I knew how to post pictures I'd post a picture of her here. I knew that her absence would hit me later. What can I say? I got Sophie shortly after I moved out west. I'd always wanted a dog, but it didn't seem like my life was condusive (sp?) to having a dog. I had a cat, Lea, whom I loved also. I kind of associate these two pets as my ventures into adult life and caring for something other than myself. I got Lea shortly after I returned from my Outward Bound experience in 1994. I need another post to write about that experience. I was 23, about to turn 24. I was attending grad school at Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana. I could write another post about how much I love this town. I mentioned to one of my co-workers that I wanted a cat and she put me in touch with Lea, who needed a home. She brought me Lea who was a grey tortoise shell little kitty. I was living at the time in and old house that was chopped up into rooms for rent. I loved this house! Ask anyone who has ever been to Bloomington with me and I've dragged them through this house. It had a great porch that I loved to sit outside and people watch. Well anyway I got Lea that summer and she was pretty special. I was neurotic about taking care of this cat. Other cats came into my life but none held the same charm for me as Lea. She made the harrowing trip out West with me (and back!).

Sophie came into my life soon after I moved out west to Farmington, NM. I was working as a librarian at the high school in Shiprock, NM. One day on my way home from work I stopped by the pound "just to look". I was lonely out there like I'd never been lonely before. I thought a dog might help. Never mind the fact that I was living in apartment that was unbelievably hard to get that didn't allow dogs. I saw Sophie, who could best be described as a little golden retriever. I did whatever it was I needed to do to adopt her and took her home. The day was Halloween. I named the dog Sophie cause my friend Tiffany had a dog named Sophie that I thought looked like this dog. I went home that night and got some trick-or-treaters. When I opened the door Sophie ran out and took off running. I looked for her that night and couldn't find her. I felt horrible, thinking that this dog had a chance while she was at the pound but out there on the loose who knew what could happen to her. I imagined myself calling the pound the next day to tell them to look out for this dog and that she was worse off than when I adopted her. Well that night I woke up to a dog barking. I opened my door and there stood Sophie. I couldn't of spent more than an hour or two with her and how she managed to find her way back to my place, I couldn't fathom. I thought to myself, "that's a smart dog." I took her in and we were inseperable.

I'm sure my circumstances contributed to my strong attachment to this dog. I had moved 1500 miles willingly by myself to a place where I knew no one and the cutlture was quite different. All I had was this dog. And she was loyal like you wouldn't believe. I didn't have to potty train her cause she was already 6 months old. I often thought that if I had to potty train her I would've given up because it was more that at that time I could handle. She would run off, but she always came back. Shortly therafter I moved into to teacher housing in Shiprock, which was on the reservation. They didn't care if you had dogs. It was really a nice place and super cheap. They took my rent out of my salary. It certainly was the nicest place I'd ever lived in on my own. It had two bedrooms, a kitchen and family room. It had a front and back yard. I grew vegetables and had some beautiful rose bushes. The isolation and lonileness of this place was nothing like I'd experienced before or since. It got to a person. So the one thing I had to help keep me sane was this dog and this cat. More later.

Thinking about writing

During the course of a day, different ideas will pop into my head of things to write about. Sometimes it's me remembering from the past, sometimes it's my opinion on some topic and sometimes it's just goofy. I wonder about how people get their ideas to write material. Or when people come up with a good idea for a product or service. For years I've been asking people for a good idea for a business. I can't seem to come up with one. Then I'll see somebody who has their own business and think, why didn't I think of that?

I've kept a journal for years, since I was a young girl. But I'm finding out I like writing for an audience. There are some things I can't or won't share because they might get me in trouble with work or are just too personal. Some of the things I've thought about writing lately is my dog Sophie, my move and time out West, working, education, parenting, gardening.

I wonder about people who have written books and how they got their idea for their book. I'm especially curious about those characters that come to people and won't let them go until they write about them. It's like they have to write about what's in their head or they'll go crazy.

The Boob tube

I have a love/hate relationship with TV. When I was growing up I could tell what day of the week it was by what TV shows were on. Monday night was Little House on the Prairie (I used to fight with my sister over watching Little House or Captain and Tenille), Tuesday night was Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, then Three's Company. Wednesday was Charlie's Angels. Thursday was the Rockford Files, my sister and I would make popcorn. Friday was Donnie and Marie. I'd try and guess what kind of outfits the ice skaters would wear. Saturdays I'd watch Hee Haw while my dad and sisters were at church. My mom would make cheeseburgers or homemade pizza. Saturday night was Love Boat and Fantasy Island. Sundays was the only day we could eat supper while watching TV. We ate on TV trays and watched Star Trek. After school I watched Gilligan's Island and the Brady Bunch.

I loved TV. One day I made the mistake of telling my mom that I was so excited because my favorite TV show was going to be on. She said "Oh, really. What's your favorite show?" I said Three's Company. She asked "What's it about?" I said "It's about two girls and a guy living together." Ouch!!!! Why did I say that? That was the end of Three's Company for awhile. I tried to explain to my mom that it wasn't like whatever she was thinking, but she'd hear none of it.

One day my dad said I was spending way too much time watching TV and I had to limit myself to one hour of TV a day. I started to read after school.

I didn't watch too much TV in high school and college. In high school I was busy working and in college I spent my evenings studying. Really I did!

I say I have a love/hate relationship with TV because I think it's perfectly fine when there is something I want to watch. But I hate it when my kids spend their free time watching what I think to be stupid shows like Spongebob. I like to watch Frontline and American Experience on PBS (it's educational!) and I've gotten hooked on shows like Big Love, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and In Treatment.

But another part of me doesn't like TV at all.

Flying by the seat of my pants

I am an organizationally challenged person. For a librarian you'd think I'd be super organized but I'm not. And I think I've come to a point in my life where my usual mode of operation, flying by the seat of my pants, isn't working anymore. In the past I've usually just knew in my head what needed to be done and would do it and I got by with that. Now it seems that keeping all these things in my head isn't working anymore.

I'm attracted to organization. Like so many things, I like the idea of it. But when put to reality I don't follow through. I envy frineds who are super organzied, neat and clean. I've made attempts, really I have. I went to a Franklin Covey seminar and got a Franklin Planner. I thought it was soooo cool! But I hated carrying the thing around with me and writing down all the things I was supposed to do and crossing them off. It felt like a waste of time for me. I used to not carry a purse. I hate carrying things, makes me feel tied down. I don't like to carry a diaper bag. What is wrong with me?

Last week I made ahead meals to put in the freezer to heat up during the week. It's one of my attempts to save time and money and not have to try and figure out what's for dinner. It wasn't too bad, just a lot of chopping. But it did require me to sit down and plan meals ahead of time, make out a grocery list etc. My husband complains that I go to the store and spend $200.00 on potato chips and nutty bars and don't get "meals". I say snacks are important!

I think it's a sign I'm getting older. Things that used to not bother me are now beginning to bother me. Like I hate coming down in the morning to a messy kitchen. So if I don't want a messy kitchen in the morning I need to clean it up the night before. I know, you're thinking, so simple! I just failed to make that connection before.

Stuff

I've been going through stuff this week. Like a lot of people, I have too much stuff. Stuff in itself isn't bad, I have too much that I don't use. And it seems like I spend a great amount of time organizing, maintaining and cleaning all of this stuff. I've been reading and thinking about how we are this consumer driven society and how this way of life seems to be collapsing.

I grew up in this world that loves stuff. Entertainment was going to the mall, walking around with friends and shopping. The economy seems to be built on people buying and consuming more stuff. It's easier to replace an item that doesn't work rather than fixing it. I really feel like this consumer driven life has consumed me. I've been reading this book called "Your Money or Your life" and it talks about how we trade our life energy in work for money. A lot of days when I'm trying to get out the door to work it does feel like it's my money or my life. Without a job where am I? I'm toast. Nowadays education is geared around how we have to prepare our students to compete in this global market place. What does that have to do with learning because you want to learn more about something? I always think I'd love to be a professional student, learning all about whatever it is I want to learn about. I think the best learning happens when it is "just for fun." Not because it will give me an edge or a better job.

When I went to college my major was "undecided ". Now where I went to school it was a very goal oriented, science, engineering and technology focused place. I'd tell people I was undecided and they'd look at me like I was from the moon or something! People would ask me well how do you know what classes to take, and why are you even here. Then when I did decide on a major, I chose sociology and anthropology because I found it so interesting. Then the question would be "Well what are you going to do with that?"

What would you do with yourself if time and money weren't an issue? I know I'd travel. I want to hike the Appalachian Trail someday. I'd like to backpack across Europe, India, anywhere really I'm sure I'd find something interesting. But it seems like I have to get everything financially squared away before I can do any of that and I just don't see that happening. I guess I'm a dreamer. But the dreams seem to sustain me in ways that the "real world" doesn't.